Two Hookers and a Funeral
December 20th, 2008I spent a number of years in radio and it was a wild, wild ride. Started out on air as a wacky personality and gradually moved up to sales and management.
Towards the end of my radio days before I went back for a second hitch in the ad agency biz I had a particularly twisted convention in Dallas. It may have been NAB and it may have been RAB…I now forget but it was cosmically dysfunctional.
I was managing a cluster of radio stations in a university town and that in and of itself will be a springboard for future memorable posts. My wife was living in a town an hour away and I had a 3-year period of behaving like I was back in college myself. I now hang my head in semi-shame but at the time….
Back to Big D….the owner of the company brought all the managers from the chain to the convention. We got tickets a couple of rows off the court at a Mavericks-Heat game. Pat Riley has the coolest damned suits. I want more Armani in my wardrobe..
One of the managers was a colleague from my Navy days in American Forces Radio and TV…Yes during the Vietnam War we were the American Forces Radio Network instead of Armed Forces…perhaps so it would seem less likely we’d lay waste to your home or village. If you’ve been in the service you know that you take a master’s class in how to party that puts frat boys to shame so my friend and I guided our group in how to take after hours action way over the top.
Needless to say we didn’t hit much of the convention. We hit the Heat-Mavericks game the first night and the second night turned mondo ugly…in a brilliantly hot way. We started at Bob’s Chop House, which serves the best steaks in the country except for maybe that Japanese steak house in the Bellagio in Vegas. Then the owner of our broadcast chain, who was an ol’ SMU more-money-than-Croesus type, took us on a tour of his favorite strip clubs…I adore strippers. They’re like guys..they love to curse, party, take illicit substances and when they get naked it’s more fun than hanging with the dudes.
I had pre-arranged for not one but two hookers when I got back to the hotel…I had hoped to see Alea, a high-end courtesan who still works in Dallas, but there was some kind of scheduling conflict. I still think of her and sigh.
Anyway, eventually back at the hotel,hammered and headed down to the ATM machine to gather my cash for the soon to arrive young lovelies. It was 20 minutes ahead of time so I knew I’d have time since hookers, strippers, actors and musicians are always late and have some of the most amazingly creative and funny excuses.
As I got off the elevator, two fresh-faced lasses got on who I assumed were fellow convention attendees. We smiled at one another and as I trudged my addict’s walk of shame and giddiness to the ATM I wished my two hookers would look as good as those two.
Money scored and back to my floor and OMG, they were my gals of choice! They were newbies, friends, nervous, high and semi-drunk. Needless to say it was one of the sweetest and sexiest encounters I’ve ever had. I spent awhile putting them at ease as they had just started doing this a week or so before. When they finally got their freak on, they did things to one another and to me that a more seasoned pro would’ve gone…first…show me the “extra” money. They were adorable and I think I orgasmed out my ass I came so hard.
The funeral. The morning show host of our alternative station had to bury his father the next day there in Dallas. I woke up, sated, badly hungover but got in my rental and headed to a funeral home in north Dallas. He basically hosted the portion of the service where friends and family came up and shared. It was beautiful, sad and it spoke to me, mired in my addictive ways, that I needed to lean more towards the light and the heart in my own life.
Progress brothers and sisters, progress.