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Christopher Guest is a lucky bastard. I’m amazed at the sensual force certain women hit me with. I’m watching TV and I usually mute commercials. Since I’m in the ad agency biz…I sometimes need to insulate myself from the concept-pitch-creative madness of what I do day in day out……but there she was.

I can’t think of another woman on the face of the earth who has aged into such amazing hotness. Jamie was a tad strong-featured for my tastes when she was younger. However she hooked me with her spunk, obvious intelligence while the glorious boobage of “Trading Sapces” made her a freeze-frame icon for a generation of harmless pervs like myself.

In “A Fish Called Wanda” I first marveled at her more than holding her own with Kline and Cleese and then the thought ambled through my brainpan…is she hotter than she used to be? When she did “True Lies” again….marvelous deadpan comic timing. And we get to the transformation/seduction scene where she rips off part of her dress to transform herself into a femme fatale. I so wanted her….and not in a nice way.

And then there she is pitching yogurt. Hair’s a little gray, wearing cute specs…sensible Mom clothing but her sexiness just oozes off the screen. I have standards and refuse to use a yogurt commercial as a springboard for masturbatory riffs of wonder…but…oh, my God …are we ever graced with a lovely, talented sexy lass in Miss Jamie.

I apologize for a lack of carnal mutterings…I just like her, simply put.

As I allegedly get “saner” I may need to more and more access my former several decades of bad craziness for fodder. I was heading to a certain Southwestern U.S. community where I’d had numerous bouts of fun with my little Domme-In-A-Thong Stacy. For old times sake I tried to lure her out of retirement to join me for a marketing seminar and then on to twisted strangeosity. (it should become a word, damn it.) It got me to thinking of a peak experience I’d had with her and the stunning Lady Lydia. So from Max Fisch reviews, enjoy.

For the second straight Christmas, I had an exceptional yuletide session with Lady Lydia of Seattle. This time, I had a friend who wanted to witness the session. We’d played around a bit with bdsm and she seemed like a natural. I asked Lady Lydia if my friend could be our studio audience and Lydia was completely comfortable with her watching. Little did I know she’d be incorporated in how things unfolded.

Lydia arrived at my hotel room and we ordered a bottle of wine so the three of us could chat about the scene and become comfortable with one another. I had difficulty getting the cork out and Lydia came to my rescue. Is there no end to her skills?
Lydia changed into a stunning corset and panties and garter belt. Couple that with her glorious mane of red hair and I was once again, happy to be where I was. My friend also changed into some lingerie, poured herself more wine and prepared to see me “disciplined”.

After having me strip, Lydia tied me to one of the chairs in the room. Then she produced a roll of kite string and reshaped my cock and balls into some sort of red, swollen, twisted bit of flesh that looked like Picasso had drawn them. I didn’t know my little man bits could get into that particular painful state. She followed that with nipple clips tied to a rope tied to my cock and balls so if I pulled one way to get some relief, the other end would tug and cause pain.

She produced a number of candles and gave me a thorough “private parts waxing” that was mostly painful but a bit erotic. Following that she produced little plastic clothespins with teeth. She now encouraged my friend to join us and help her attach the clips to my balls and cock. These little suckers hurt. I didn’t realize how much until they started taking them off and the blood rushed back into the various spots. However Lydia and my friend rubbed the spots where the clips were eventually removed and that caused more pain and erotic stirrings.

After being released I was led to the bed and had my legs tied in such a way that my so far untouched butt would be easily exposed. My friend curled up on the bed beside us to watch as Lady Lydia took me.

And take me she did. First with a small dildo and then with her latex clad hand. I have never been so furiously ass-boinked in my entire life. I begged her to stop. Lydia laughed. My friend laughed. And Lydia kept taking me.
And oh yes,,,she reported my prostate as being in good shape. I knew you’d want to know.

During the session, Lydia chatted amiably with my friend, teased and taunted me and charmed both of us. She is lovely, intelligent and sweetly, calmly evil. It was a hot time and it left me with my legs shaking for quite some time afterwards. My lady friend is now inspired to redouble her efforts in learning more on dominating me. So thank you Lady Lydia, thank you.

She is, of course, the love child of Mick Jagger and David Bowie. (I’d like to think that’s original, but I think I’ve read it before. If not, nice turn of phrase, COG!) I think it was her domme-esque turn in “Edward II” that first began my, by now, full-scale enthrallment to Big Red.

I can’t recall the last time someone commanded the screen so effortlessly. You simply cannot take your eyes off of her. An intuitive understanding of the camera mixed with that delicious androgynous grace and strength. Although “Michael Clayton” seemed to smack of a John Wayne/True Grit moment. Hey kid, here’s the Oscar for all that other great shit and yes…we all know that this particular effort is vaguely half-assed but collectively..your career deserves it.

We want to fuck her and have her fuck us, wielding whatever tools please her majesterial weirdness. She takes her boyfriend home to her long-time whatever Diaghilev-like mentor, bud or cuckolded voyeur. In this world of p.c. obsessiveness about conduct, she accesses an attitude that comes from my Southern roots and is a suitable world view. Fuck all y’all is the phrase. I bow to the grand dame of Hot Odd.